It’s almost that time of year!

The smell of fresh cow dung will soon fill the air… everywhere! The butchers will hike up their service prices, bakra jokes will be all over social media, and the question ‘kitne ka liya bhai?’ will be the conversation starter at every gathering.

Yes my dear brothers and sisters its almost slaughter time, I mean Bakra Eid!

The Qurbani Routine

Every year it’s the same routine: you go to the bakra mandi to get a goat, then go to the bakra mandi again and then go to the bakra mandi again and end up buying nothing because the prices have sky rocketed since last year and your budget has shrunk by 10% less.

I am sure that prices will be much higher than last year again and this time the ‘bahana’ will be ‘bhaiya, dharna chal raha hai supply hee nahi aarahi!!’

Yup… same thing, each year.

The next logical option then is your ‘muhallay ka hissa’ or family hissa. You walk up to your mamu/chacha like a boss and say ‘Chachu lets pool in 5000 PKR and get the biggest cow on the block!’ When he starts laughing hysterically is when you realize that you might not even get a desi chicken for that price.

So you think hard and shift your focus towards the next option, the mass ‘qurbani’ lounge and consider getting on the commercial ‘hissa’ flight. The Saylanis, the Alamghir’s and the elitist Meat One (Come on! It’s a joke people!).

The world is completely upside down here. Your 5,000 PKR that you offered to your Chachu works wonders here. For that amount of money they are promising you the qurbani of a lifetime by sacrificing the goat that gave birth to all goats just for you! Or so it seems, because they love you so much ;).

So now your dilemma is to either go left and get a ‘parchi’ for 4,987 PKR or go right and grab one for 4,990 PKR. You eventually decide based on the length of queue.

All done, you go home, relax and start dreaming about the amazing BBQ you are going to have once you get the meat from the goat that gave birth to all goats.

Come and Get It!(Collection Time)

Come ‘Eid day, you pray with the earliest possible jamaat and with a spring in your step quickly make your way to the meat distribution point where a huge rush awaits. You take this as a good sign thinking that the hissa must be amazing. You have packed extra bags just in case the hissa is more than you expect.

You jump to the counter at your turn and place all your bowls to get them filled. The person distributing looks at you in a weird way and pushes a small polythene bag towards you, containing approximately 4 kilos of bones with a  bit of meat on them.

You stand bewildered….because that’s your hissa this Bakra Eid!!!!

‘Eid Mubarak Mere Dost!